Salmon Fishing

Don’t start. No seriously, get the thought out of your head. It is truly the worse drug known to man. If you want an escape or a diversion from normal living then take up something less addictive like smack, crack cocaine or something. And believe you me, it will be far less expensive and destructive. Guaranteed, it will ruin you in more ways then one. Let’s examine it on several fronts.

Take for example the financial consideration. It will break you. Here’s what the tip of the iceberg looks like. Pole, line, waders, boots, flies, net etc will cost you at least $1000. Believe it or not there is a wardrobe involved and it’s not cheap. To get to your favorite ‘spot’ you will need a four by four at a cost of say, $35,000 and eventually it will come to the point where a boat and engine is a must. That’ll set you back perhaps $8000. Oh, and all that stuff’s got to be maintained at tremendous cost. I won’t go any further on this one except to hint that a cabin will be in your future. All very costly, indeed.

On to another matter; here’s how your marriage will crumble. When you hook your first few fish the adrenaline rushes will be so pleasing that an immediate and long lasting addiction will be formed. The only fix available to you will be found on the river. Your wife will certainly not want to come with you and, yes, you guessed it, your new mistress will be a lady that flows gently from high marshland down to the salt water. You will sneak away in the early morning darkness and stay way too late just to have the pleasure of laying a line on soft flowing waters. The loving wife can only accept so much flirtation; she will get jealous.

You will become dishonest and delusional as you stretch to find reasons to go fishing. Indeed your personality will become totally altered and friends will see the changes in you. After hours and hours of staring at moving water you will occasionally hallucinate, hear voices and experience motion sickness – all the signs of being a junkie, right? Your moods will drastically swing from depression (no rises) to unbridled elation (landing a 6 pounder) and this will impact on your mental heath.

Your health, that’s another issue. You will not sleep for several reasons – coming home late, rising way too early and waking up several times in the night looking at the clock. You will lose weight because eating is unrelated to landing a fish. I have a buddy who takes a break from casting at seven in the morning to have what he calls ‘a breakfast of champions’. This non-nutritional break consists of a Blackhorse and an Eatmore bar. You will most likely start smoking because it calms your nerves after (a) landing a fish (b) losing a fish (c) becoming anemic from fly bites, etc. And then there’s beer. It and fishing just go together so nicely; again, addictive and costly. Put all those negatives together and you pay dearly for your pursuit of the noble fish.

So, after all that do you still want to go fishing? If so give me a call; I can’t wait to tighten a line.

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